The five stages of Grief do not have to go in any particular order, but acceptance is always last in the five stages of grief. Also, someone can skip these steps.
It is important to note this because it seems that Oskar does follow this path in order, and is seeming to skip some of the steps.
%In Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Johnothan Safran Foer shows how different the 5 stages of grief can be from person to person by using characterization and point of view. Although, Oskar Schell, a nine year old boy who's lost his father in the 9/11 attack, alters some of the steps to make his coping process more logical his mother, on the other hand, quickly follows the steps and beats Oskar to acceptance which in turn angers him.
In the typical process of grief it would begin with denial of the death by not accepting or acknowledging the loss. However, Oskar recognizes his father's death but just finds hope that he is still within him because his body isn't actually being buried. "I believe that once you're dead, you're dead forever, and you don't feel anything and don't even dream. It's not that I believe in things that can't be observed now, because I don't. It's just that I believe that things are extremely complicated. And anyway, it's not like we were actually burying him, anyway." (4) When oskar says they aren't "burying him anyway" he meant that he felt no one should start the grieving process yet. In Oskar's point of view his mom was already at step three when they were heading to the cementary to bury her husband. Step three is bargaining where she could have traded Oskar for her husband. "She didn't really love me. I knew the truth, which was that if she could have chosen, it would have been my funeral we were driving to." (6)
Step two, Anger, giving you the feelings of wanting to fight back and or blaming someone or something else for leaving. In this case Oskar fights back by blaming his mother.
"Fuck you!" "Excuse me!" "Sorry. I mean, screw you." "You need a time-out." "I need a mausoleum!" "Oskar!" "Don't lie to me!" "Who's lying?" "Where were you!" "Where was I when" "That day!" "What day" "italicize *The* day!" "What do you mean?" "Where were you!" "I was at work." "Why didn't you pick me up from school like the other moms?" " Oskar, I came home as soon as I could. It takes longer for me to get home than for you to. I thought it would be better to meet you at the apartment than make you wait at school for me to get to you." "But you should have been home when I got home." "I wish I had been, but it wasn't possible." "You should have made it possible." "I can't make the impossible possible." "You should have." She said, "I got home as quickly as I could." And then she started crying. The ax was winning.
Step three, bargaining. Oskar is an antheist there is no one to whom he could ask to change what's happened so he changed this step into musing himself with survival essentials incase this were to reoccur in other words he invents to prevent.
1-Denial-"This can't be happening to me," not crying not even accepting or acknowledging the loss.
Examples:
Oskar indirectly tries use his fathers missing body as a source of hope, that maybe he's somewhere, in order to keep himself going.
You can fight it all you want, but loss is out of your control
2-Anger-"Why me?" Feelings of wanting to fight back , for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving, blaming someone or something else for leaving.
Examples:
Oskar blames his mom for his fathers death by wishing it was her instead of him.
"I had enough of my own nightmares, and if she had been dreaming something happy, I would have been angry at her for dreaming something happy." (107) Oskar thinks she doesnt deserve to be happy yet.
Oskar takes his anger out on his mom by rejecting Ron, her friend, saying things like "I didn't want him there anyway" (143).
3-Bargaining- Often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.
Examples:
Oskar does not remain an atheist.
4-Depression-Overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning the loss of a loved one as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.
Examples:
Life is meaningless.
^( not necisserally a sign of depression, to me it seems like he is more layed back and just stopped caring about the world. He kind of breaks the chain of social and emotional responsibilities. After all he is pretty much a genius 9 year old)
5-Acceptance-There is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that the person is gone (in death), that it is not their fault, that they didn't leave you on purpose. Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of this person.
Examples:
We don't know if he does or doesn't accept that fact that his father is dead, but he does accept that his life has been changed dramatically, along with the rest of his families, but instead of sulking and moaning, he tries to make the best out of it by being a new person, and living his life how he wants to.
In some ways, I think Oskar has a 6th part of his grieving process, which is inventing Inventions to get his mind off of the loss of his father.
On the front Cover, a picture of a right hand is shown, this is a symbol for "NO", and on the back cover, a picture of a left hand is shown, this is a symbol for "YES". So, from the begging to the end of the book, Oskar goes from "NO" to "YES". This means that he gradually starts accepting how things are until he finally reackes the last stage, Acceptance.
After a Death people experience the 5 Stages of Grief.
**Information on the 5 stages of grief found on "The 5 Stages of Grief" Assortment. Web.
Is there acceptance? And why?
No, because at the end of the book the pictures of the jumper going back is like he never wanted it to happen and still cant accept that he fell. That it did happen. That he cant take it back.
Does he go through all the stages? And why?